


(Not so) secret diary

by diiiangelo



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Boys In Love, Diary/Journal, First Kiss, Fluff, Getting Together, James Potter is a Good Friend, Love Confessions, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Mutual Pining, Oblivious Remus Lupin, Oblivious Sirius Black, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-04
Updated: 2020-01-04
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:14:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22107652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/diiiangelo/pseuds/diiiangelo
Summary: Sirius’ mind was so distant that he wasn’t able to prevent from falling after he tripped on something. Moaning in pain, he looked to his left to see a small brown notebook next to Remus’s bed.Curiosity took over him as he reached closer to grab it. He opened it at a random page just to see what it was about, and as soon as he did it, he realized it was some sort of diary or something.“This is Moony’s, don’t read it” -He told himself, but just as he was preparing to close the notebook, he saw his name written on it. It was right there, so tempting. His long time crush had been writing about him. He had to know what it was.“Okay, just this part...” -Sirius said to himself as he reopened the notebook and started reading it...
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 24
Kudos: 132





	(Not so) secret diary

It was a cold december afternoon, the snow falling nonstop as Christmas approached Hogwarts.

“Hey, Padfoot!! Hurry up! We don’t have all day” -shouted James from their dorm’s door.

Sirius looked at him with a deadly glare, babbling about how he lost his gloves and couldn’t find them anywhere. -“...my pretty hands will freeze and fall out, Prongs, and then Gryffindor won’t have their best Quidditch player anymore.”

“Hey, second best!” - complained James.

Remus rolled his eyes at the scene, mumbling something about having to live with those two idiots, before leaving the dorm with Peter and telling the other two they’d be waiting outside. 

“Waaaaait, wait for me!” - followed James, leaving Sirius alone in the dorm. 

While Sirius continued his search, his mind went of to the one person it always went. Moony. His handsome, funny, and kind roommate, and also one of his best friends, who he happened to be in love with. He had been in love with that boy for over a year, and all he wanted was to be with him. Only James knew, of course, the two friends knew everything about each other. He kept telling Sirius to tell Remus how he felt about him, but he just couldn’t find the courage to do it.

Sirius’ mind was so distant that he wasn’t able to prevent from falling after he tripped on something. Moaning in pain, he looked to his left to see a small brown notebook next to Remus’s bed. 

Curiosity took over him as he reached closer to grab it. He opened it at a random page just to see what it was about, and as soon as he did it, he realized it was some sort of diary or something. 

“This is Moony’s, don’t read it” -He told himself, but just as he was preparing to close the notebook, he saw his name written on it. It was right there, so tempting. His long time crush had been writing about him. He had to know what it was.

“Okay, just this part...” -Sirius said to himself as he reopened the notebook and started reading it...

October the 5th  
Dear diary,  
Today has been a tough day. We had Potions class, as usual, but today we learned about a potion called Amortentia. Slughorn said they smell diferenttly for each person, according to what attracts them. As expected, mine smelled like Sirius. Of course I didn’t tell the others that, I can’t tell my best friends that I am in love with one of them, so I just told them it smelled like chocolate. After that, we all went to the Quidditch field, and Peter and I watched while Prongs and Padfoot practiced to the next Gryffindor x Slytherin match. And I just couldn’t stop staring at Sirius. He is so beautiful, with that hair that balances with the wind, that freeking smile that makes me melt, and that body... he makes me go crazy. The problem was that some Hufflepuff girls came by to check on them, and they just went on and on about how amazing Sirius was and how much they wanted to kiss him. And that just made me realize once more that I’ll never have a shot with him. There’s no way he’ll ever see me that way. I don’t know what to do. I can’t lose him, so he can’t know about it. But I just can’t hold it in any longer. I am so in love with him. Merlin, I am so stupid.

x  
x  
x

October the 8th  
Hey, diary, sorry for disapearing these past few days... I’ve been busy trying to deal with my stupid feelings for Padfoot. I’ve got it bad. Shit he’s looking at me. Probably wondering what I’m writing. I bet he’s gonna want to copy my homework. Gotta go hide this, wish me luck. 

x  
x  
x

October 9th

Hey, diary... so, the full moon is tomorrow. I am already beggining to feel sick and my head is killing me. God, how much I hate beeing a werewolf. Every month I turn into a horrid monster, capable of hurting my friends, my family... I don’t know what I would do if I hurt one of the Marauders, I would not be able to bear it. Omg what if someday I hurt Padfoot??? I don’t know what to do, I just want to go away and cry, hide from everyone. Except that I don’t. I always want to be near him. Close to him. He is the only thing that keeps me from falling apart every full moon. When he holds me, hugs me and tells me that everything is gonna be okay... I think these are the best moments. I just wish I was able to always be in his arms, to be able to kiss him and hold him and do...well, some inaproppriate stuff... and tell him how much I love him. Diary, what should I do???? Well, I guess I gotta go get ready for the transformation. It’s getting close now. Be back in a few days. Bye bye

x  
x  
x

October the 14th  
Dear diary,  
I have a HUGE problem. Last night I was getting ready to shower. I had just came back from detention (Wormtail, that bastard, had dragged me into trouble with the Ravenclaw kids AGAIN) and I was searching for my clothes when...  
Sirius opened the door  
ALMOST COMPLETELY NAKED!  
He was wet, coming back from the showers, his hair was soacked and hanging just above his shoulders, his  
cheeks were slightly flushed and a towel was hanging loosely on his hips, almost too low for my self control. God he is so beautiful. So sexy. I can’t handle so much perfection. He looked at me and I just froze. I didn’t know what to say or what to do, I just stood there LIKE A COMPLETE IDIOT! And the worst part is... I got a boner. It was SO embarrassing! Luckily, I was still wearing my robes, or else he definitely would have seen it. I just told him that I had to go to the bathroom and ran away. I hate myself. Bloody hormones. 

x  
x  
x

October the 19th  
Dear diary,  
Today was so great my face hurts from smiling all day. Okay, so, it all started when Prongs went out to find Lily since they were supposed to go on some stupid date that I wish I had been going with Sirius but whatever...so, he left the dorm and the three of us hung out for a while until Peter had to leave for History of Magic. James and I usually study on Wednesdays afternoons because we don’t have any school activities, while Wormy has History of Magic and Pads has Transfiguration. Since today Prongs went out on his date, it was supposed to be only me. Fortunately, though, Pads’ class had been canceled cause some idiot had accidentally turned the teacher into a frog. It was just me and him then, alone. We decided to go for a walk, we talked and laughed and spent the whole afternoon together, and I loved every single minute of it. Sometimes, when I look at him, I feel like the world stops around us, and we are all that’s left. Me and him. I feel so dumb writing these things, I became one of those romantic people that can’t stop thinking about someone and write these stupid romantic diaries and letters, knowing that their love will never be returned. Never thought I’d be like this. Untill you showed up, Sirius. And I just couldn’t stop myself from falling in love with you. 

x  
x  
x

October the 21st  
Hey, diary,  
Nothing new today, just the usual stuff. Woke up early to go to class, hung out with the Marauders and worked on some lessons. Padfoot helped me a bit with my essay, actually, and I gotta say it’s a miracle I didn’t faint with him standing so close to me. I mean, his breathing was on my neck and his lips were so close to mine as he talked, I just wanted to kiss him. Oh and I also wanted to kill Peter so badly when he interrupted us. Anyway, after that we just...

x  
x  
x

Sirius stopped his reading when he heard the door opening. His mind was working like crazy at that moment, trying to capture what he had just read. Moony loved him. His feelings were returned. He just couldn’t believe it. If he wasn’t so shocked he probably would’ve been jumping around the bedroom from bed to bed screaming about how happy he was. 

As he looked over to see who was entering the room, though, he saw it was Remus. Oh-oh. 

“Hey, Pads, what is taking you so long to...?”- Remus stopped midsentence as he realized what was being held by Sirius. 

“Remus, wait, I can explain, I swear to you it was not my intention, I just opened it to see what it was and then I saw my name written on it and I just... I’m sorry I really didn’t mean to...I’m so sorry...”- Sirius tried desperately, feeling extremely guilty. 

Remus’ face went from pale to a dark shade of pink and he started sweating. Sirius had read it. At least some of it. He knew. About everything. He knew...

“I...I...” - he stuttered before quickly leaving the room. 

He ran, ran and ran, wishing to just disappear as tears started streaming down his face. He had probably just lost his best friend. 

(Tears come streaming down your face  
When you lose something you cannot replace  
oh and tears come streaming down your face  
And I...  
Tears streaming down your face  
I promise you I will learn from all my mistakes  
oh and the tears streaming down your face  
And I...) fix you, by coldplay

Once he reached the Astronomy Tower, Remus let himself slide down to the dirty floor and put his head between his knees, just trying to forget everything that had just happened.

As soon as Remus left the dorm, Sirius panicked. He tried to run after him but the boy was fast, he had already disappeared through the dark corridors of the castle. 

Suddenly, it occurred to Sirius. The Marauders Map. He quickly found it, not wasting a second before going towards the Astronomy Tower once he saw Moony was there. He had to talk to him. Tell him he loved him too. Who knew what Remus would be thinking by now. 

The tears had stopped, but Remus’ mind didn’t rest. He didn’t know what to do. He wasn’t mad at Sirius, not at all. He knew his intentions weren’t bad, and who wouldn’t get curious after seeing their name written on their friend’s diary, right? No, he blamed himself for being stupid enough to leave the diary there. The last time he wrote on it, he had to hide it so fast that it wasn’t hidden at all. He should have guessed that would’ve happened sometime, though. 

He stood up quickly as he heard fast steps getting closer to him by every second, until he saw him. Sirius. Holding the map. Looking right at him with those beautiful eyes filled with concern. 

“Thank God, Moony, I was starting to...”

“I am sorry”- interrupted Remus, looking down at his feet, ashamed and incapable of looking at his best friend’s eyes.

Sirius stopped in his track, extremely shocked- “Wait, what?? For what??”

“For feeling like this”- if he wasn’t staring at his feet, Remus would’ve found actually amusing the ‘are you an idiot?’ look that Sirius was giving him at that moment- “For loving you. I tried to get over it, I really did, and I tried to deny it. I just couldn’t. But I just want you to know that I totally understand if you don’t want to be friends anymore. If this is too weird for you. I am sorry for ruining our friendship. This was the last thing I ever wanted.” -at that point Remus was just barely holding back his tears.

A long silence followed his words as Sirius tried to process what had just happened. The boy in front of him looked so scared and fragile that Sirius’ heart broke a little.

“Moony, look at me”- he demanded, his voice full of love and also nerves. 

As the boy didn’t respond, Sirius took another step forward, getting really close to him. 

He carefully rested his hands on the other boy’s cheeks, caressing them tenderly. He felt Remus’ breath hitch a little and his face heat up. So adorable. He still wasn’t looking up, though.

“Moony...”- he tried one more time, whispering his name, trying to put all the love he felt for that boy on that word. 

It worked. Remus slowly looked up from the ground and as soon as he met Sirius’ eyes, his breathing stopped. Sirius was giving him a look so filled with love, desire and passion.

“Moony, you can be really dense sometimes.”- stated Sirius, looking amused.

“Excuse me?”- Remus felt a bit of indignation rise through him, but it was really hard to be mad at someone looking and smiling at you like that. 

‘This is it’ -Sirius thought- ‘this is the moment’.

Sirius closed the gap between them and locked their lips in a tender kiss. Remus gasped through the kiss, clearly surprised, but it only took him a second before he processed what was going on and kissed back with just as much love and happiness as the other. 

Remus’s hand settled for Sirius’ waist, pulling him closer as they explored each other’s mouths. 

After what felt like an eternity, they pulled back (unfortunately) from lack of air, gasping and grinning at each other. 

“Wait, does that mean you...you like me too?!” -asked Remus.

Sirius laughed happily “Rem, I’ve liked you since the beginning. I’ve been in love with you for a while now.” 

Remus never thought he’d ever feel so happy. - “Am I dreaming? Is this real?” he whispered, since it was too good to be true.

“Does this feel real to you?” -teased Sirius, as he once again closed the gap between them, giving him another kiss, longer and more passionate this time. 

Remus couldn’t control himself and moaned quietly into Sirius’ lips. Yeap, it definitely felt real.

“FINALLY!!!” -the two boys jumped and broke their kiss just to find a very proud James Potter smiling at them. 

“James? Wtf are you doing here?” -asked a very confused and a little embarrassed Sirius.

“I was going back to the dorm and saw you leaving. You seemed quite desperate so I tried to follow you and... here I am. I just didn’t expect to find this. Took you two long enough, though.”

“Wait a second...YOU KNEW???” -Remus asked, shocked.

“That you two were pining over each other like idiots? Of course.” -He answered casually. - “Sirius told me he liked you a while ago. I was shocked at first but then I started to notice it was quite obvious...”

“Hey!”

“... and about you, Moony, I started paying attention after Sirius confessed his feelings, and soon after I noticed yours. It was actually very easy to figure out, you are not as subtle as you think you are, Remus, with all of your staring and loving eyes directed at him.”

Remus blushed like crazy at that, and Sirius felt his heart melt in his chest.

“Hold on, though.” -Sirius looked at James after a moment. “- You knew about Remus liking me too?? Why didn’t you tell me??” 

James shrugged as he answered.- “I thought you two should come to terms on your own, I didn’t want to interfere.” 

“Merlin I hate you so much, Prongs...” -Said Sirius, but he was smilling one of the biggest smiles James had ever seen.

“I know you love me, brother.” - He said back, laughing.- “I’m gonna leave you two alone now. I bet Evans is already missing me anyway.” - James then winked at his two best friends and left. 

Now that they were alone again, Sirius took another good look at Remus’ face. He was still slightly flushed, the red looking even more adorable with his freckles, and he was biting his lip. So sexy, Sirius thought again. 

“So...” - started Remus, smirking.- “...you love me, huh?” 

Sirius smiled even more widely “I do.”

“Good. I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Guysss this is my first wolfstar fic (and the first fic that I publish) but i wrote with all my heart, I love these two sooo much, I hope you like it!!  
> and don’t forget to leave a review ;)


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